Sabotage - Not Just a great Beastie Boy song!

Why when I get so close to a goal do I sabotage myself?

I'm an emotional eater so I eat whenever I feel stressed, excited, tired, bored, happy, sad, angry, need I go on? For the weeks leading up to Christmas I was on track with my exercise and was watching my caloric intake, sure I'd have a few pieces of chocolate here and there but nothing crazy, then as soon as something gets a little stressful I'm elbow deep in a box of chocolate macaroons.

Perhaps after years of struggling with my weight I don't know how to manage my emotions without food. I've always been the fat girl so really is it that surprising to see me eating a chocolate bar? This is how my brain works, its a negative little monster who I have yet to get a handle on. The truth is yes it is very surprising to see me eat a chocolate bar or a bag of chips, I just don't do that. When I feel my world spinning out of control the first things I reach for are things I have classified as "bad". It's like I am punishing myself for being overwhelmed with everyday life. I don't think I'm the only one...when you are on your fourth bowl of Cheerios or your third granola bar you know you've fallen off the rails. (I know these sound like lame binging foods but I keep junk food out of the house.)

Maybe in some sick little twisted way I like to fail so I will always have something to work toward. What would happen if I were to actually reach my goal weight? What would I berate myself for? What would be my motivation to work out everyday? How would I relax around food, would I fall off the rails if I didn't track every morsel and gain it all back?

Obesity and weight loss are about much more than numbers on a scale. Anyone who has done gastric bypass can tell you even when the weight comes off there is a mountain of emotions to deal with. What is your internal dialog telling you? Is it holding you back?