Bikinis **pffttt**

Ahh swimsuits, bikinis, tankinis, bathing suits, whatever you want to call them they are freaking scary, especially in the cold months of winter with your pasty legs, extra Christmas pounds and desire to hide under as many layers as possible.

To keep myself on track most winters I book a winter holiday to a tropical locale. I know its rough, but it's something I'm willing to do to fight the battle of the bulge. This year we're going to Hawaii, I may have mentioned it a few thousand times. The countdown is on, I have nine weeks for the final push to get bikini ready. Those pictures will last a lifetime!

Its time to start looking at buying some swimsuits. Here is my crazy rule of thumb that I follow without fail,  never try on a bathing suit in the store!!! If I worked at a store that required women to strip down to practically nothing I would install dim lighting, skinny mirrors and serve alcohol, but sadly this is not the case. I've stood in a too small change room, under horrifying fluorescent lights looking at my pale Canadian ass in a swimsuit in January and wanted to cry. I inevitably leave without buying anything. Marketers you are missing out!! So now I pick out one or two, buy them and take them home. Check the return policy but believe me this will save you enough emotional trauma that the trips back and forth to the store are worth it. I also buy swimsuits online. www.victoriassecret.com is my favorite web site for bikini's. Just remember you are not going to look like the models, chose a size based upon their sizing charts, be honest with your measurements and when in doubt go up a size.

Here is my other trick, don't try the swimsuits on as soon as you get them home, wait until the next morning when you first wake up and you are feeling slim, put some moisturizer on your pasty skin and try them on. Believe me, the privacy of your own home is much more pleasant than a change room in a mall run by stick figure teenagers who think a stretch mark is the line of sweat they leave on the studio floor after yoga.

If it doesn't fit don't panic. Look at the style, would it look better in a bigger size or is the cut just unflattering? I bought a bikini with boy-shorts...loved the top, but the bottom made my legs looks like two tree trunks. My legs do not look like tree trunks it was the cut of the swimsuit, repeat that! Get a bunch of different styles, find what works for you and stick to it. Get a cute cover up, no t-shirts! This year after talking to the ladies in the office I'm going to try a bandeau top, exciting I know!

Now get out there, or get online and do some shopping. Visualize yourself lounging by the pool looking awesome! And the great thing about going south in the winter, everyone there feels the same way on the first day, pale, puffy and self conscious, by your second day you won't care, you'll be strutting up to the pool bar in your new swimsuit, relaxed, tanned and have no memory of the horrors of swimsuit shopping!