Embarrassing Moments: A Retrospective

Ok so we've all had those moments where we're not as coordinated as we should be or say something so asinine we roll our own eyes.  I thought I'd highlight some of my more memorable embarrassing moments as they relate to my endeavor to become fit.

#1 - Treadmill Hurdles
When I first joined the gym the treadmill was my cardio machine of choice. How hard could it be?  Press Start, pick up your feet and start walking, maybe even, dare I say it, a light jog? On one particularly invigorating day I decided to run on the treadmill, not my usual slow jog but a true run. I climbed on put my water bottle in the handy dandy cup holder, and hit start. Off I went increasing my speed steadily until I was thumping along at a pretty good pace...unaware as I pounded along, entranced in a repeat of 90210, my water bottle was bouncing along with me in the cup holder...until it bounced right out!  BAM!!  With lightening speed it sped toward my feet and I realized I had to jump over it.  Seemed easy enough, so like a gazelle I gracefully leap over the bottle as it passed, only to realize as I landed that the treadmill was still moving rapidly and I had come to a stop...so like the bottle before me I rocketed off the treadmill and soundly hit the wall behind me. Some of the people on the other treadmills had the common decency not to laugh. 

#2 Static Cling
If you like doing laundry I have a full time position for you, send your resume.  I hate everything about laundry but since I live in a society that glorifies cleanliness I do it.  I started kickboxing three years ago, its an awesome workout, you get to punch and kick things! We usually start with jumping jacks, some jabs etc to warm up. I'm in front of the class of about 40 people, doing an awesome display of jumping jacks, checking myself out in the mirror when I see something waving like a flag on my pant leg.  With every jump this thing flaps up to say hi!  What the hell....a thong. 



3# Is it hot or is it just me?
So a friend invited me to join her beach volleyball team for a charity tournament, as you know I love volleyball so I was in! The day arrived, 40C no shade. We're on the courts, which is really a large parking lot covered in sand. We're warming up for our first match, I'm meeting my team for the first time. It's hot. We start playing and about 10 minutes into that first game I see a black hole, and its calling my name. I stagger off the court mid-play and make my way to the registration table and promptly climb under it.  For some reason the volunteers sitting at that table were annoyed by this, I think I politely told them to Feck Off and proceeded to steal a bottle of water (no idea from where) and dump it over my head. My friend came and found me and my sad state of affairs and drove me home. Did I mention it was hot? I don't know if we won or lost that day but I'm pretty sure I didn't win the award for MVP.

#4 Floor hockey anyone?
So the same friend from the previous embarrassing moment gave me another shot and invited me to join her and the same team to play in a floor hockey tournament.  Since I blacked out most of the previous experience I figured its floor hockey, indoor, air conditioned, I'll be fine, swallowed my pride and said yes.
So it only made sense the night before the tournament to hit the bars.  I believe this was the night I had to physically attach myself to my drinking buddy T so I wouldn't go careening into other people. Anyhoooo  I crawled my sorry ass home in the weee hours only to awake to a blaring alarm 4 hours later. Time for floor hockey! 
I got suited up in my new shin guards, gleaming white knee socks, ready too roll. Feeling a bit queasy but hey nothing a big bowl of chili for breakfast won't cure. You see where this is going.  We arrived at the arena, I apologized to everyone for the previous beach volleyball debacle, and got ready to play.  Why the hell are floor hockey sticks so short? Anyway first shift I go out, its mayhem, sprinting from one side to the other, man its a tough game. I end my first shift after 90 seconds and there is a rumblin' happenin' in my belly. I politely excuse myself....yada yada yada...my husband comes and finds me after the game sitting outside on the curb in a cold sweat, shaking and clutching my stomach like I'd just done time in a Calcutta prison.  He had to drive me home.  Oddly I've not been asked back by that team to join any other tournaments. I'm not sure if we won or lost that day, again I did not take home a trophy.