Sticks and Stones

A lot of people from high school have commented on my blog that they never saw me as obese.  That's probably because I wasn't particularly large in high school. I was of average size maybe a little chubby at best. Right after high school I left town to go to college, travel, work etc and never really went back. This was the time where my weight gain got out of control.

In school I was pretty outgoing, enjoyed playing some sports, was a pretty good student, overall a pretty normal kid.  But I can remember the exact moment when a switch was flipped in my head and I stopped being a carefree kid and became preoccupied with my weight.  It was Grade 8, I was standing in the hall with a group of friends joking around with a popular boy from Grade 9, he had some stubble on his chin and I, in a teasing tone, said "Oh you need to shave!" and he replied, in a flat serious tone "maybe but you need to lose some weight."

I was literally crushed, it felt like a tonne of bricks fell on my head that very moment.  I didn't burst into tears or run away I just tucked that little hurtful tidbit in my mind and brought it up every single day after.  I'm sure he has no recollection of saying those words to me, and to be honest perhaps on a different day at a different time maybe they wouldn't have impacted me so heavily but on that day they did.

From then on, through junior high into high school, I became very aware of my size, always comparing myself to others. I remember doing fitness tests in gym class and comparing my weight to the other girls.  I stopped playing sports and taking gym class because I was too self conscious in the change room.  Sadly like a lot of teenage girls I'd severely restrict my calories for days at a time only to then binge. Thankfully that dangerous routine was short lived. All this behaviour was slowly building until I was out from under the watchful eye of my parents and I could go completely off the rails...which I did, with a bang!

I wonder if most obese people have a moment they can pinpoint which led them to self-destructive behaviours? I'm sure looking back I wasn't aware I had started to sabotage myself. Perhaps for most its a combination of events over a long period of time but for me its date stamped in my DNA.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." How untrue.  Be kind with your words, you never know how the one hearing you will be impacted.